One's the poster child for Murphy's law and the other has annoyingly good fortune.
In a world of monsters, magic, and mayhem, these are the girls with the "kick me" signs on their backs.
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Stupid Camel
Stone cliffs glared across miles of desert sand appalled by the two riders daring to even approach them. One of these riders could feel the unwelcome stare from the cliffs looking down on her... judging her... deeming her unfit to be in their presence. But to Xarenia, the cliffs were a beacon of hope. Her destination was in sight.

Just before the cliffs, a tall section of hand-worked stone jutted up from beneath the sand. The last visible remnant of a temple of worship long ago wiped from the memories and histories of man by the cleansing desert sand. All that was left of it was rumors and legends. An unholy ruin cursed by the great Spirits. A victim of the desert's wrath for defying the sand and wind and sun for too long. A sanctuary fat from filling its belly with the gold and jewels of those seeking favor from a great desert Spirit.

Xarenia eyed the cliffs as her camel plodded along over the dunes. She spent hours watching the cliffs as her skin continued to crack and peel beneath the moisture-robbing sun. But the cliffs didn't get any closer.

"I bet I could make better time on foot," said Xarenia. Her camel cocked his neck to the side to glance back at his silk and leather clad pest of a rider, and then he got mad. Xarenia latched herself onto the camel's back as he twisted and bounced around to topple her. But the harder he tried to throw her, the deeper her nails dug into his sides, so he calmed down hoping she'd loosen her grip.

"Stupid camel."

The beast snorted and stopped dead in its tracks. Xarenia jerked forward and grabbed onto the camel's neck to keep from falling off. As she steadied herself, the camel spun its head around... giving her the evil eye.

"Arazel!"

Arazel pulled up beside Xarenia and lowered the book she was reading. She sat in the shade provided by a silk canopy and four poles attached to a harness worn by her camel. The sun and desert terrain couldn't reach her, and Arazel maintained a pristine appearance atop her camel where she looked like royalty... an aspect that also carried over to her tones and inflections as she spoke.

"I've already told you. I don't have any spells that will keep the sand out of your p--"

"No. Not that. I'm just wondering why your camel is so well-behaved and mine's... well, mine's a demon camel."

"Demon camel?"

"He doesn't like me."

Arazel leaned over and scratched Xarenia's camel behind the ears. His body twitched for a moment and then he grinned.

"You got a good deal with these camels then. Yours is obviously a good judge of character."

"You really think I got a good-- Hey!"

Arazel reached into her saddle bags for a flask and a crystal glass. The corners of her mouth curled up into a mischievous smile as she poured her wine.

"If you want your camel to be well-behaved, you just have to remember that they respond nicely to confidence... and some select herbs."

"You drugged your camel?"

"I'm a priestess of the Great Wind Spirit of the Eastern Desert. This is my domain... I can do whatever I want here."

"But drugging your camel?"

"It's just a relaxing blend of herbs, and he actually likes them. They make him happy."

"Well, I want a happy camel too. Hand over the--"

Xarenia watched the sand ahead of her separate as tremors rippled up through her camel's legs from the disturbance underground. "Why is the ground rumbling? Sand isn't supposed to rumble, is it?"

...link to this story


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Arazel & Xarenia first appeared here.
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"elves give me hives"

Steven Grant, Permanent Damage #69

"a tongue-in-cheek jab at DUNGEONS & DRAGONS conventions that's far better than it has any right to be."

Steven Grant, Permanent Damage #71

"I'd like to thank Jeffery Stevenson for the tube of CortAid, which he courteously sent to comfort the hives that comics featuring elves give me."

Steven Grant, Permanent Damage #74

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